it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
