remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
