like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
