What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
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