Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I wish you could order shots online.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
