I love how my cats smell like pot.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
