Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
