Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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