On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
