I didn't shave. On purpose
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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