If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
