i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Randomize
