dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
