She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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