some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Who died my cat blue again?
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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