You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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