i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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