babies were throwing up all over the place
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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