i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
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