You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
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