420 ftw
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
