what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
