I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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