hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Randomize
