Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
