so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
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