he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
