The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
4 words: hood of his car
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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