I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Randomize
