And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
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