So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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