She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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