I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
