She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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