Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
