new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
