If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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