She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I'm always down for nudity.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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