That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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