WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
