I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Randomize
