Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Randomize
