we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
