We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Randomize
