How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
