Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I'm always down for nudity.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
