Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
