she was so not down for the gang bang
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
