What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
