I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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