I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
