I feel great
I just peed on a car
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Randomize
