It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
