fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
